New Love

In November of 2007, I met Jesse.  We were introduced through mutual friends.  In the beginning of our relationship...I was fun, easy going and spontaneous.  I briefly mentioned my headaches, but was still basically able to function normally....or fake it.  As time went on though, the daily headaches got worse and worse.  I felt in a constant fog.  I have a particularly hard time expressing words.  It's so wierd.  I'll be in the middle of a sentence and just can't spit out what I want to say.  It's in my mind, but it's like I can't speak it.  As if something in my brain is not connecting.  I then started experiencing intermittent sharp, shooting pains up and down the back of my head (what I now know is my occipital nerves).  The feeling was gone almost as soon as it came.  Like a quick stab.  It's never bilateral.  It alternates.  Jesse started catching on pretty quickly that I was basically lying about "feeling fine".  That's always my answer when someone asks how I am.  "I'm fine", I say.  Do they really even want to know the truth?  Besides, I am tired of saying I feel like shit all the time. I am sure people don't want to hear that!  Jesse encouraged me to go see a doctor.  I was skeptical and embarrassed.  I hate people knowing I'm sick or vulnerable.  Although...now a days, I'm over what people think.  Obvioulsy since my story is now out in the internet world!  Anyways, through one of Jesses' friends, I was referred to a neurologist, Dr. E.  Supposedly he specialized in migraines and headaches, and was even sympathetic as his wife was a migraine sufferer.  So I did it...I made an appointment.  The first day I met him...I loved him!  He really seemed to know his stuff and was very compassionate.  He spent alot of time going over every detail of my symptoms.  He would stop talking every so often and ask if I was understanding what he was saying and if I had any questions.  I was elated, thinking I found a doctor who would give me a diagnosis to what I was experiencing and who would make it all go away.  I didn't realize then that this was a lifelong illness and wasn't something that any doctor could just cure.  I now know it is only something I have to learn to manage and live with.