Sunday, October 30, 2011

Cha Cha Changes

I feel like I have been going a mile a minute lately, I have barely had time to read all your posts, let alone write one.  But, hopefully, things are about to slow down.

I made one of the hardest decisions of my life.  I resigned from my full time position at work.  Yesterday was officially my last day as a full time employee and it was so hard.  I cried off and on all day.  My friends ordered take out for lunch and bought me a giant cake.

I still question whether or not I made the right choice, but until I took that leap...I'd never know.  For the past 5+ years, I've been "Jessica...Labor & Delivery nurse."  Delivering babies has defined me.  It is my passion and probably always will be, but something had to change.

I was finding myself dreading going into work everyday.  I'd literally lay in bed the day before trying to "save" my energy for the upcoming 12 hour shift.  Then I'd drag myself through it...and crash afterwards.  I was miserable and grumpy to be around, and the people I love the most...Jesse and my boys, suffered from it.  I am no longer fun to be around.  I'm not enjoying my life or anything in it.  I am constantly in pain and exhausted and it's screwing with my moods. 

So...after weeks of praying and crying and debating, I gave my 2 week resignation at the hospital.  I will be staying on PRN, which requires me to work at least one shift a month, so I can still do what I adore, see my friends at The Family Birthplace and get my baby fix. 

Now, being a PRN employee equals no benefits.  So I also accepted a benefited part time position as a case manager with Hospice.  What a change this is going to be!  I am going from one end of the other.

If you think about it...they're pretty similar depending on your beliefs.  I birth babies into this world, and I will be "birthing" the terminally ill into another world.  I think there is something magical about being able to witness someone's first breath, and their last breath.

I have some experience with death and I was the Perinatal and Infant Loss Coordinator for the hospital.  I'm just not so sure what I will be doing as a case manager.  To me, it sounds like my main role is pain management...which is also right up my alley.

What I do know about my new position is...I have total autonomy which gives me alot of flexibilty. I see my patients when I want to see them.  I get to dress more scrubs, which is kind of exciting for me!  I will be getting paid more money...always a huge bonus!  I will be getting my mileage paid for, a laptop and a cell phone...and their benefits are awesome.

So wish me luck guys...I start my orientation tomorrow...which is the downside because it's Monday through Friday 8a-5p and I have NEVER worked 5 days in a row!  Yikes!  If most of America can do it...I certainly can for one week!