I was having a bit of an internal struggle with myself today. Since being hospitalized in the beginning of August, I decided to stop taking a majority of the medications I was on, and made a change to a different neurologist. Now, I took Dr. K.'s suggestion last week and increased my dosage of preventatives, but my question still remains...What am I to do for the pain? Right now? While waiting for so-called (usually ineffective) long-term therapy to kick in?
The pain in my head seems to be taking a back seat these last few days to the burning, searing, aching to the very core agony that I am feeling in my hips and legs. I can hardly stand to keep them still. It's as if there are electric currents running through my bones. My face is so tight and dry...I feel as if my skin is being stretched to its limit even just opening my mouth. My lips are sore and cracking, and my cheeks feel like sandpaper. My left ribcage, or rather right under it is beyond tender to the touch, making breathing deeply or laughing painful. Is it pericardial or pleural effusions worsening???
I often think these symptoms, along with my chronic, intractable headaches have got to be somehow related. As well as the history of fluid surrounding my internal organs and elevated rheum factor and sed rate. Surely I cannot be plagued by more than one ailment. Although, the sensible part of me...the college educated part of me knows that more often than not, chronic daily headache and migraine is coexistent with autoimmune disorders and other chronic pain conditions. *BIG SIGH*
So this all brings me to my next point...today...I said FUCK it. Fuck dealing with this agony and faking my way through it. I popped 2 pain pills and stayed in bed all day. And I realized something...I realized I should not have to feel guilty or defend myself for controllong my pain. If that means taking narcotics, I will take narcotics. I am not a drug addict, and I don't abuse them. I have a valid reason for taking narcotics...I am in pain. I think I will tell that to Dr. K. the next time I see him...as I am asking him to refill my pain pill prescription!