Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Pity Party for One Please

Reminds me of an aura!
I still haven't heard back from Dr. Feelgood's office regarding the nerve blocks...or more importantly, the stimulator.  So, I have basically been living minute to by day...trying to ease my symptoms and cope with the squezzing pain.  I use the word "squeezing" today, because it feels as if my muscles are tightening up in the back of my neck...squeezing the nerves that radiate up to my head.  When I turn my head, I get the feeling that my eyes are bugging out & my head pounds in rhythm with my heartbeat. 

Of course, when that happens, I get awful vertigo.  In addition to the non-stop sensation like I am falling backwards that I always have...when I lay down...the room spins and my ears ring.  It totally reminds me of back in the day when I would come home from a night of too much drinking in a too loud bar or concert.  Which...then leads to nausea & vomiting.

It's a terrible snowball effect.

As usual, Jesse has been wonderful.  He rubs my shoulders and neck when asked, and digs his thumbs into those spasming muscles directly under my skull to release the tension.  I have been alternating heat & ice, taking exorbitant amounts of medication (at least it seems that way to me), stretching & relaxing as much as I can.  All patiently waiting for the next step.

I am getting a little concerned with the fact that I am putting all my stock into this procedure working.  What if it doesn't?  Then what?  I will be greatly disappointed.

But I also know that the stimulator will not take away my other symptoms...none of which I truly have a diagnosis for.  Yes, I have been given plenty of theories...such as Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease...but, I am a science person.  I need definitive proof.  I want an answer for my fatigue, muscle & joint pain, severe dryness, positive rheumatoid factor, pleural & pericardial effusions & almost non existant iron levels.  Yet...after being shuffled from specialist to specialist...I have gotten no closer to a real answer.

I understand the medical profession.  I understand that it is called practicing medicine for a reason.  I understand that tests only go so far.  I understand that sometimes things are not black & white.  But my God is it frustrating.  And I know that I am preaching to the choir and that many, if not all, my readers can relate.

Speaking of readers...don't forget to click my "follow" link on the right! 



WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

Quite a few ladies in my mom's family have sjogren's which can be similar, and I know they all have different levels of pain. So sorry about The Headache being so bad. Try calling Dr. Feelgood's nurse and finding out if there is a snag you are not aware of. A nice reminder never hurts...sometimes paperwork hits a snag and they forget it in the shuffle of everyday...:(

Della said...

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well Jessica. I think of you often, and hope your doc can figure this out. I hope the stimulator works out for you.

Jessica said... Sjogren's test came back did my ANA. So confusing! Dr. Feelgood's office said I should know something by the end of the here's hoping!

Della...Thank you SO much! It means a great deal to know someone's thinking of me! =)I hope you are feeling better!

Migrainista said...

I say hope away. All we can really do is move from hope in one thing, to hope in the next thing, and the next thing. Hope is so important.

S.I.F. said...

I'm praying that you get some relief soon lady. I know how much that chronic pain alter your life in horrible ways. You deserve that relief!