Saturday, May 14, 2011

Chasing the Blues Away

Well, I finally learned how to create my own header.  My last one mysteriously disappered.  Anyhow...hope you all like it!  I do!  And it totally conveys how I feel on a daily basis.

I realized I haven't written much about my head lately.  But, the time not writing about my anguish and showing off my new hobby has been a fun distraction.

The reality I'm miserable.  Not that that feeling has ever really gone away.  I am very good at hiding my feelings and pressing on...doing what needs to be done as far as work and kids and being a good partner and housekeeper.  I can only keep that charade going for so long before I crumble.  Right now...I am a heaping pile of agony, depression, anxiety, name it.

I'm just sad.

I'm sad I cannot will myself to feel better.

I'm sad that no one is giving me a magic cure.

I'm sad that I am letting my co-workers down for not being able to pull it together to go to work.

I'm sad that on a daily basis my children ask me "Mommy, do you feel good today?" the hopes that I will actually say yes and we can spend some time doing something fun...together.

I'm sad that Jesse has had to go through the majority of our relationship taking care of me.

I'm sad that I am forever waiting for damn insurance approval so that I might have a procedure that may improve my quality of life.

I see my primary care physician on Monday morning, hoping to get a referral to a GI doc to figure out my increasingly worse abdominal issues.  And I know I have said it before...but when the head hurts...the gut hurts...and when the gut hurts...the head hurts worse.

Also looking into other options for going out of state for treatment.

Hope you all are having a better day than me, but sometimes...I just gotta vent!

Lots of love!


Della said...

I hear ya, and I understand! I used to have so much head pain that my docs wanted me to see a neurologist. None would see me cause I'm uninsured :( Fortunately, my head pain abated! I've been to the gastro repeatedly over the last 11 years, and sadly the only solution was to give me Prilosec. It has helped tremendously, and I can tell when I forget to take it.

I hate to say it, but both you and Migrainista have distinct symptoms of Lupus lately. The head and tummy issues for one. I can't remember what she had mentioned recently that made me think that. I pray you girls don't have lupus! Anything but lupus, right?!

Great work on your blog! I hope you feel better soon!!!!

Della said...

I meant "had said". I can't type today. Not surprised as I can barely think lol!

Jessica said...


I see a rheumatologist every 6 mths for testing as my rheumatoid factor is positive, I have had bilateral pleural effusions and pericardial effusion, and other symptoms of connective tissue disease.

Right now my diagnosis from him is "Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease" as my ANA and CRP are negative.

I was put on 500mgs Naproxen twice a day and Prilosec last summer from the rheum.

But neither was very effective.

I have a strong family history of RA, Crohen's and Ulceratice it's time I see a GI guy.

I've had tummy issues since before my 12 year old was born, but always have ignored them. Now it's just getting to be too much to bear with the migraines and chronic headaches.

Della said...

Holy shit I just wrote a book and my wayward left hand just f'd it all up! My comment vanished before I got to publish it! Darn it!

let's see...I was sayin'...

Something something Naproxen is crap. I can't remember what all I wrote.

I do remember congratulations are in order on your Etsy shop! I noticed it in the middle of my rant lol.

Anyway...I knew something was wrong with you! Besides the migraines. Take care of yourself! Well, never mind that. That's part of the problem! Too much taking care of yourself!

I hope you feel better! Love ya!

Migrainista said...

Vent away. We understand.

Jessica said...

Thanks, Migrainista...I know I can always count on you ladies to allow me to vent...and to understand! <3 <3 <3

Heather said...

Nice header! I made one for my blog and changed the entire design, and then Blogger reverted everything back to the old design after a day. So frustrating!

Sue said...

Vent away! I so understand your sadness and frustration.